This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
