would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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