Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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