I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
