I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
