Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
