dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
