I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
