wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
