I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
only if we run a train.
done.
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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