the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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