i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
