Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You are the jesus of drinking
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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