yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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