that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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