This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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