At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
