I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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