apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
