i wish my penis had a tongue
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
