You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
