THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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