Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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