Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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