I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
