You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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