And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
