I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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