My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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