My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
