im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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