life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
