i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
