So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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