I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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