Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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