I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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