I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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