Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently the secret to your success is patron
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so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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