Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
