Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
