I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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