Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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