I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
