so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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