Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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