Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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