I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
