HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
