is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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