Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
