I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
