Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
