It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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