i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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