O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
