you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
