he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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