if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
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guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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