Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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