new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
