I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
