Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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