Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
