my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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