bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
honey bunches of taint.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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