"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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