i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
