Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
