I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
