fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
