The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
