remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
one might say we're banned from that church
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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