I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
