dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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