she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
