So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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