Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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