I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
