I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize