Your mouth is God's brothel.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
