Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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