they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
