Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
