nut hugger
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Randomize
